Thursday, February 23, 2006

Mobile madness

I'm one of those people who refuses to have a cellphone, or mobile, as Brits call it. It seems to me this is a modern form of slavery and a powerful addiction to boot. And every day, it seems, my refusenik stance is buttressed by the rude, daft or downright dangerous behaviour of the majority of enslaved mobile addicts.

Today's encounter was an extreme example of the genre. Returning to the office with a cup of coffee, I swiped my security pass over the magic eye and opened the door just as a minion approached it from the other side in a southerly direction, m'lud, trundling a porter's trolley loaded with newspapers. I obligingly held the pneumatic door open, by no means an easy task, but as he entered the doorway -- yes, his mobile rang. He halted instantly twixt newsroom and passage, whipped it out and started gabbing. This was too much.

"Keep bloody moving and get off that fucking phone!" I yelled, straining against the door's attempt to close.

He did not, as you would have expected, respond to this rough injunction immediately. "Yeah ... right ... look, I'd better go, I'm just on my way to the fifth floor with their papers. OK. Catch you later." No forward movement accompanied this monologue.

"For Christ's sake, come ON!" I bellowed.

He tucked his phone away and trundled past looking blankly ahead, like the zombie slave he is, and without a word of apology or thanks. I don't think he even knew I was there. Typical
.

When I take power, all mobiles will be tossed on bonfires throughout the land, and I expect many will still be attached to their puppets. "Yeah, did you want the Vesuvio extra virgin cold pressed or the Marks and Sparks house brand extra virgin first cold pressing? ... Oh, hang on -- look, love, sorry, I've gotta go, something's burning. Ohhh. Shit."

7 Comments:

Blogger Who is this Dave? said...

Yes!

8:51 PM  
Blogger cello said...

I hate mobile phones. They are a real tyrrany whether you have to answer them or listen to others answering theirs. Refusing to carry one put you firmly in the nutters' corner though, along with the vegans and buddhists. I just keep mine switched off most of the time and pretend I've been in 7 hour long meetings.

The photo below is exquisite,by the way, and your evocation of heat on skin and sandy saltiness has warmed up this chilled British heart.

1:13 AM  
Blogger cello said...

Sorry for mis-spelling!

1:14 AM  
Blogger patroclus said...

I absolutely detest mobile phones and usually I won't answer mine. It makes quite a good alarm clock, though.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Pashmina said...

Umm.. I rather like mine. But mainly because it enables me to look up train times and football scores. So maybe it's more the internet that I like.. Oh.

However I have *very* strict views as to when it is and isn't appropriate to use them. Have taken to making "put your phone away" gestures at drivers in particular. And people who walk along chatting on bluetooth headsets still look like morons.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

Hi :-) First visit.

Glad you started a blog Davethef!

I like a cell phone as a useful tool to be used with discretion. I think people who cannot function without yapping on the phone every minute of the day are sick and twisted. On the other hand, some may say the same about those of us who can't function without our rich and varied cyber lives. To each his own I guess. I try for tolerance but sometimes it's a bit of a stretch!

5:47 PM  
Blogger DavetheF said...

Welcome Kyahgirl. I've thought about getting one and leaving it off unless I have a reason for using it. But I fear I might get addicted ...

6:37 PM  

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