Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The well of souls

I'm not really up to blogging this evening because I am pissed off. I have so had enough of Guardian Soulmates. What fiend invented this ultimate aid to pitiless self-assessment? The details are too boring to relate and I know certain parties round here have been there too. The fact is, I am not a profile, I am a complex ever-evolving being, an imago in metamorphosis. Quick, nurse, the blue pills, hurry for god's sake! I'm so evanescent I can see my hiatus hernia pulsing anxiously away.

Update: perhaps I should explain this is nothing dramatic or tragic, such as love spurned. It's the whole process that gets me down. Profiles tell you pretty well zilch about anyone, like CVs. Even assuming the profilee isn't actually lying or glossing, as many do, the contactee usually turns out uncannily different from your idea of them, because you haven't learnt the important stuff: "Divorced", OK but when and why and how do you feel about that? "Education" is totally meaningless. I've had terrific letters from people with little further education and misspelt, incoherent ones from Ph Ds. Allegedly. And so on. Second beef, extreme unreliablity of many allegedly looking for mates (perhaps one of the reasons they currently find themselves on the shelf). I reckon 90% of the correspondences I've initiated amount to two-and-a-half transactions, with the second shoe never dropping. What's up with that? Some giveaway between the lines? I write pretty good letters. So, unreliable types and possible timewasters abound. Thirdly, the person in the flesh hardly ever lives up to the billing. "Attractive" (until I gave up bothering 20 years ago); "gym junkie" (I just use the jacuzzi and the pool). A big giveaway. And blah blah blah.

The one thing that keeps me from packing it in is that I have made one or two wonderful friends (they know who they are), and that makes up for everything, most of the time ...


Blogger patroclus said...

Oo, I think more scurrilous detail is definitely required, ideally before you vanish completely into thin air.

11:44 PM  
Blogger Damian said...

Don't expect so much. Each time you contact someone you're having a mini relationship with them to try them on for size. But you have to remember that the only relationship that ends successfully is your final one, if you're lucky.

And if you don't like that, how much truth do you really want in a profile? "Fat balding computer nerd seeks cheap dates for fun times and, hopefully, gratuitous shagging with no great need for commitment."

5:31 PM  
Blogger First Nations said...

SO glad i'm not single.

guys biggest profile mistakes:
says 'ltr possible with the right person' when they really mean 'i'm dangling the bait so i can take a bite out of each candy in this boxed assortment we call life, girls."
says 'friends only' when they mean 'just sex'
1. ASK FOR EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. even if its just sex. lotta women looking for the same thing.
2. DON'T SAY 'FRIENDSHIP ONLY' unless you're a gay man looking for a straight woman buddy. you're only wasting everyones time,
and you're either timid or a liar. all you'll attract are other timid liars.
3. SUCK IT UP AND SAY 'LTR' IF THATS WHAT YOU MEAN. its not desparate, its honest.

not that i think this of you, my darling.
a little vehement? yep. my daughters presently going through the dating service mill and i hear ALL about it!
good luck, my dear!

6:42 PM  
Blogger DavetheF said...

To each his own. I haven't lied on mine and if someone lies, they're dead in the water as soon as I meet them, sorry. Omission is perfectly OK, make up your own mind etc, and your example is self-denigrating and that is not the same as being honest. I guess I'm just the wrong type of person to use a dating service.

6:43 PM  
Blogger DavetheF said...

Sorry, that was addressed to Damian. FirstNations, I agree absolutely. What's the point of misrepresentation when you will obviously get found out?

6:53 PM  
Blogger Helen said...

have had a profile for ages and keep meaning to delete it... but then occasionaly drop into the site to see if my 'matches' have changed.... sometimes I write but very rarely get contacted and yet I am active, am a climbing instructor so there's proof of a sort, and damned intelligent and utterly attractive of course... but but but!!! my matches are couch pototes of the old and wrinkly variety... sad .... but optimistic too.....

nice blog

6:48 PM  

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